Laugh,Cry and Marvel.

백야 (White Night) - 넬 (Nell)

Today, I again fall in and out of love with the detritus of what is left of you, in me.
How you might be.
난 니가 필요해(I need you).
Every time I try to erase you the world crumbles, by the roots.
At the endless time,
Deeply imprinted in all of its space,
your breath is all that remains.
Today, I, again, waste it,
Forcing together the pieces of promises,
Remains of memories.
How you might be.
I can’t get over you.
You just keep shining on and on through my time.
난 니가 필요해(I need you).
Every time I conjure you up the time ices over, by the roots.
My best won’t do.
Every time I breathe, it’s as if your memories are talking to me.
Being left behind and letting it be gone would all be mine.
It wouldn’t come back, as if a movie, as if a lie.
Come back to me.

source

p/s: I'm happy that I got this yesterday for FREE! 

high five!

oh wow,
I miss everyone these days.
I miss home.
yes, living alone does have its ups and downs.

downer: you have to deal with everything by yourself.

case in point:
when you forgot to stock up your pads.
and you have your menses in the middle of the night.
and there's no kedai runcit nearby except the one that you have to walk like 10 minutes away.
and it'll be closed by that time.

ah well, I remember what my mum used to told me that back in her days, of course there's no sanitary pads, so girls/women of that days used the cloth, one that could absorbed the blood properly and put it on the underwear. DONE.

so, I tried to do the same.
tried to find any cloth that's suitable. at least, for the night only.
I found two cut-offs from my inner t-shirt's arm that I cut it off to make it a short-sleeved one and that's it.
those two were enough for me.
at least, for the time being.

for the first time, I've one experience to feel like what my mother used to have to do when it's her days.
and it's weird.
like I have to check on it to make sure it doesn't fall off and that night I've restless sleep..
so the next morning, I woke up expecting leakage everywhere, but Alhamdulillah, none.
that's not BAD at all.

I high-five myself for something well done.


note to self: always always remember to re-stock my sanitary pads.. 




p/s: i can't wait for next weekend! :)

hello December.

“I will make you forget all”>

Hopeless Valentine at GMF 2012.

Nell all day everyday. 



I always relate that the end of the year as a phase to finish everything. 
to settle everything that's due before the year turn to 2013.
and for these past years, December always going to be a very busy months.
for me I have tons of works (presentations, assignments, etc.)

I did not have any resolution to be done before the year ends.  
never made one. 
sort of don't believe in having one would actually prompt myself to fulfill it.
meaningless.

In other related thing, December is also special because obviously

it's my BIRTHDAY! 

and everything is still the same.
I celebrated by myself with a container of moist chocolate cake.
and two chocolate muffins. cioccolato magnificento!
 it's a low-key thing to do. 
it suits with my age, I think. i'm 24. (kalau kahwin dah ada anak dua! ecewah!)
nothing elaborate, just remembering how my age defines me.

and how i feel like certain things are slipping away.
I can not choose which things to forget but I know some things are forgotten in time.
it's not a deliberate forgetfulness but things that you could not hold into.
and I somehow fear that someday I woke up and could not grasp on what it is.
what it is that stained  me, it felt familiar but i do not have any conception on what it is.

ah, I've rambled senselessly. 
must be the Nell's overdose.



p/s: here's hoping that everyone of us have a great and productive December and if the world did end in 2012..........



 :)