My Father's Daughter.

It is impossible for me now to ever forget what this day means to me.

The day he was born.

The day the man who was fated to be the man i called abah.

He was always there for me in both body and spirit, showing me by his living example what it was like to be a father and a husband, that it was possible for a man to show tenderness, to be unafraid of open affection with his children, and to be a loving husband. He was selfless with us all.

It is impossible to speak of my father without also speaking of my mother, because they were one. Together, they showed me what true love was like, taught me what a marriage should be. A part of my mother is him. And for my mother to have this kind of strength now after her better half has gone, I have no words to describe it.

I never doubted that he loved me. Though he never say it out loud. We always hugged. When I am small, when he had to leave for work or went to the other home, he always kissed me on my forehead. When I had my exam results, he was always ready with his bear hugs and kiss on my forehead. Now I wonder, who would be able to give me the same love?

That is the greatest gift that a father can give to his daughter.

I will always love you and I will always miss you.

Al-fatihah....

Abah; October 15th, 1947- August 07th, 2010

note: dlm minggu ni ada few times aku mimpi arwah abah.. tapi ustaz kata kalau kita mimpi orang dlm mimpi tu berckp ngan kta tu maknanye syaitan yg menyamar tapi kalo orang yg kita mimpi tu diam je itu mungkin la benar..

Wallahualam.

kesimpulannya, kalo mimpi ke teringat ke baik la sedekahkan bacaan al-quran, solat sunat etc.

Ada tiga perkara yang ditinggalkan di dunia, maka simati tetap mendapat pahala.

1) Derma kebajikan (seperti derma membuat surau, sekolah pndok, pusat tahfiz, etc)

2) Ilmu yang memberi manfaat

3) Anak yang soleh.

kawan?

kawan..

semenjak 2 menjak ni aku rasa mcm dah hilang kawan dah..

kat tadika an-nur start la aku tau ape makna kawan ni.

duk makan mi goreng ngan kawan2..

main kat playground ngan kawan tadika..seronok.

pastu masa sek rendah, hidup dikelilingi ramai sgt kawan.

sekolah rendah ade 2..satu kat kerteh, satu kat subang..

zaman sekolah rendah aku paling best sbab paling cemerlang kot.haha.

dajah 2 aku slalu no 2 ,blakang besfren aku..skali je aku dpt pintas dia..

farihah name dya..hm, misti skang da jadi insan berjaya dah..rindu plak rase..

mase dajah 4 plak aku slalu dpt no 1..sepanjang taun.

pastu dajah lima aku naik kelas..kelas no 1.. 5mutiara

dajah 6 pon mutiara gak..mase ni kwn ngan dak2 terer r..

tak dpt la no 1 dah.. tapi oke laa..top10 gak laa.

pastu zaman skola menengah..dpt offer mrsm jeli.tak pegi.

dpt gak interview kolej yayasan saad tapi tak pergi dek kerana hasutan member aku..

dya kata skola tu sosial gle..haha.. aku pon percaye..keke

tapi masa sek menengah ni mmg lagi best. ade geng sendiri..

pegi skolah bkan nk blaja sgt pon tapi nak jumpe membe.

nak gosip.haha. ingat lagi time Meteor Garden tgh tayang kat tivi.

sikit punye excited nak dtg skolah esoknya nk share cte..spazzing as what we call back then.

pastu cte winter sonata, autumn, succesful story of a bright girl. tak dilupakan rosalinda juge.tingat cikgu geog aku yg sgt menggemari cte tu smp kami dbenarkan balik awl mase finale.haha

cte pasal linkin park la..rase sgt cool time tu.. cte psal b-boy la, skateboarding la.. mase tu takde lg shuffle2 nie..

main nyorok2 ngan dak laki..cam bingung je.main basketball time break.

kdg2 stayback sbab nk maen...pastu lg satu..mase f3 bwk henpon g skola..

bangga gle bcos aku antara pioneer..haha.time kaseh abah.

ni masa sek rantau laa..

pastu start f4 aku wat prangai sket, slalu tak dtg skola..tah ape masalah ntah.masalh jiwa..

pastu markah math mod aku teruk. ngat lagik cikgu math tu compare markah aku ngan budak kelas ranking ke-3.. sedih gak r..tapi wat2 takde efek..

pastu tak lame tu dpt tawaran p boarding school.mrsm. kat besut.

aku pon pikir, mayb ni Allah nk bg pluang suh berubah kot.

aku pon pegi laa..mase tu dah tengah taun gak kot..

life kat mrsm ni okay sebenarnye..

aku menyesal gak la sebenarnye sbab tak gune pluang ni seelok2 nye.

hanyut gile.

kwn2 aku majoriti p oversea after spm..

kalo tak pon dpt msk uni yg gempak..

segelintir golongan cam aku je tercampak matrix 2 taun.

aku tak kate matrix 2 taun tak bagos.. cume kalo tgk pluang yg aku dpt tu mmg aku da sia2kan sgt laa.. the biggest regret gak laaaa.

tapi kat mrsm ni la aku jumpa kwn aku yg terbaik la..

smp skang stil contact lg..

tapi skang ni cm kurang sket, mayb bz kot...(you know who you're)

berbalik kpd tujuan asal..aku nk ckp pasal problem aku bile berkawan sebenrnye..

aku rasa aku ni tak setia la..suka larikan diri n cpt bosan..

aku ada 4 kes yg aku kwn ngan kwn aku ni memang rapat tahap gile gaban pastu dlm beberapa bln pastu aku misti wat masalh....

kes 1: aku tulis surat kat membe aku ckp aku tanak rapat ngan dya dah.aku rimas. sbab dya ni jenis suke menepek.. (ni mase darjah 5)

kes 2: aku tulis surat jugak kat membe aku ckp aku tanak kwn jugak n a few problems lg la.. tapi yg ni plg sedih bcos membe aku ni ckp aku ni kasar n krg ajar. ( ni mase f4)

kes 3: aku ignore member aku ni yg penah tido sebantal, mkn sepinggan ngan aku bcos aku rase ade member dya yg jelez aku rapat gele ngan dya.. membe ni siap bg chocolate kat aku n tanye nape aku jadi camtu ..huuhu.. aku terharu, tapi tak leh nak watpe la kan.. (ni mase f5)

kes 4: aku tatau cmne ktorang leh jadi tak berckp antara satu sama lain. aku tataw ape masalhnye so, aku tulis surat lagi..tanye knape..letak kat kasot dya.. then dya kata aku yg tak layan dya..aku wat bodo kalo dya dtg bilik.. riak muke aku berubah kalo nampak dya..

aku tatau la..maybe aku problem kot.. (ni mase matrix)

kesimpulannya, aku rasa sbab aku byk sakitkan hati membe2 aku, sbab tu la skang ni aku takde kawan .. bile membe ajak kua aku bagi alasan(ni membe mase skola rantau).. sebenarnye to b honest, aku segan ngan dorang..aku rase mcm tak layak je nk kwn ngan dorang lg..

dorang sume cm berjaye gle...aku je mcm ni lagi..

mayb one day, tgk la..aku still sayang lagi kat dorang..kdg2 tgk pic reunion ke ape ke..

terguris jugak la..tapi bkan salah dorang..aku sendri wat pilihan nk asingkan diri.. stupid me.

kadang2 aku jeles kat kak aku yg second bcos dya sgt la setia kalo berkwn..mmg respek laa.. kat abg aku pon.kak aku yg sulung pon..

nta la..

aku ni mmg problematique kot..

hm..

sbab tu la aku selesa sorang2 je kot..

tapi walaumacamanepon, aku tetap hargai sume kwn2 aku..

dari tadika smp la kat uni nie...

walau tak nampak tapi dlm hati ni ade la tpt korang..

hati aku byk lagi ruang..jgn risau..

mayb one day i'll find my own greatest FRIEND.

mayb he/she stuck in the traffic jam,

mayb he/she LOST his'her way,

he/she just a lil bit LATE to find me..

I'm waiting with arms wide open.

phew~~ longest post ever since i own a weblog..

Wonderful..yes I AM

WONDERFUL by Gary Go

The person that you were has died

You’ve lost the sparkle in your eyes

You fell for life - into its traps

Now you wanna bridge the gaps

Now you wanna bridge the gaps

Now you want that person back

And all your ammunition’s gone

Run out of fuel to carry on

You don’t know what you wanna do

Cause what you want does not want you

If what you want does not want you

And you’ve got no pull to pull you through

Say “I am”

Say “I am”

Say “I am wonderful"

Say “I am”

Say “I am”

Say “I am wonderful"

If what you’ve lost cannot be found

And the weight of the world weighs you down

No longer with the will to fly

You stop to let it pass you by

Don’t stop to let it pass you by

You’ve gotta look yourself in the eye

Say “I am”

Say “I am”

Say “I am wonderful”

Oh you are

Say “I am”

Say “I am”

Say “I am wonderful”

Cause we are all miracles

wrapped up in chemicals

We are incredible

Don’t take it for granted, no

We are all miracles

Oh we are

Say “I am”

Say “I am”

Say “I am wonderful”

Oh you are

Don’t take it for granted, no

We are all miracles

wrapped up, yeah we’re wrapped up

Oh we are wonderful