......

ohhai there.


pop up here to post something.

dum


dum dum


dum dum dum


my new blog


I've decided to move over to tumblr to continue on blogging.
I think it's simpler and easier to navigate through and it's neat.

ah well.

head up there if you're bored and feels like you want to read on.

see you there! :)

taking a break

hello.

I'll be taking a break from posting anything on my blog.
sort of losing interest in blogging, told ya I've commitment issues and finally, it has taken a toll on my blogging.


But, I do hope that this is not forever. 
:)

À la prochaine. 

Landscapes of A Distant Mother.

 Your smile,

There wasn't one,

You never smiled.

First book down!

Landscapes of A Distant Mother is a biographical book written by Said. It's originally written in German language as Said lived in Munich although he was born in Tehran, Iran.

The book chronicles on life of Said before he met his mother who left him after her divorce with his father, during the meeting with his mother at Toronto, Canada and what happens after the meeting.
Said has been an exile, forced to leave his country due to some political reasons which cause him to never again able to stepped into his birth country and never found the courage or feels the necessity to find his birth mother

It's a simple book, written in simple language but full enough with punch lines that is certain to hit your guts. Reading this book reminds me of Mitch Albom's books with the similarities of using brief, short sentences but able to precisely convey everything and keep the readers captivated until the last page.
 This is a story about a son who never knew who is exactly his mother until that one day where he finally met her after his mother found him and asked for him to come and see her.

I read the book expecting it to ends with good terms, with both Said and his mother feeling contented and finding happiness after being able to see each other after the long separation, but as I was reading it, I realised that this story would never end in happily ever after note.

And as for Said, everything he thought of what a mother could be were proven otherwise after his meeting with her.



Here are a couple of excerpts from the book:

~ 

    ''Mother, you prayed five times, but in the afternoon you only pray three times.''

    Amir breaks in: ''Mama swindles. Even with God.''

   She swears at him loudly, in her own dialect and then in Persian:

    ''My son, you don't joke about things like that.'' 

   She sits down in her armchair:

    ''You're right. I did pray five times, two of them for morning prayer. I cannot get up before sunrise, I'm simply not an early riser. You know, I have my own account with God. He understands me and accepts my morning prayer even in the afternoon. But this godless son of mine who never prays and who drinks alcohol, has to grumble.''

    ''I still say, Mama swindles.'' 

~~

   Perhaps I have become too Westernized, too German; too reflective, too harsh.

   And again, you are too petit bourgeois, too honest, too conformist, too ready to run with the pack, too concerned with material advantages. Too anxious to survive. 

  You have learned too well how to survive. 

  With or without God, Shah, or Khomeini.

~~~

   I stayed outside. I could not find the way in.

   I looked for your landscapes---

   And found that there were no answers there.

  

It's a satisfying read and I could not help but wonder what would be his mother's side of the story after the meeting.

Did she really despise her own son? Does she not feel any connection at all to him? Did she ever smile at the thought of Said? 

Books galore.

 

The other day I happened to be at the Big Bad Wolf book sale and above were the total damage done.

I'm beyond happy.

It's been the longest time since I bought a book, the last time was last year, I think in March or April. 

I used the book vouchers worth of 2 hundred as the books totaled to RM 198. 

I'm hoping to expand my reading genre so I bought a lot of non fictions and also biography books. 

Also bought a couple of books for my nephews, cooking books for my mum and sisters and since my eldest sister is expecting her third child, I wanted to give her a book to comfort a mother to-be, hence the book ' A Cup of Comfort for Mothers' is especially for her. 

My other sister requested for some motivational/inspirational or political books, so I bought a couple of inspirational books like 'How to Save Your Own Life', 'Simplexity' and 'Social Q's'. For political, I couldn't find anything interesting so I bought 'The Bush Tragedy'. 

My book shopping's highlight would be the Paulo Coelho's biography, 'Warrior's Life', Bono's biography, 'Bono on Bono', 'We Are Iran' and 'In the Blink of An Eye'. 

I just finished reading 'Landscape of A Distant Mother', a satisfying read, I would say.

I'm looking forward to read the rest of the books. 

Excited!! 

Alhamdulillah~

'Matahari seakan tak lagi
Menyinari hati sepi ini'

my two boys

Farish has been to schools diligently, and I really wanted to watch him go to school on the morning.
and his brother, Fazril, my singing boy is also going to the kindergarten.

and apparently, he changed to another kindergarten. his brother's old one.
Fazril is the outgoing one out of the two,  so I thought he would have no problem making friends, adapting to the new place etc. and yes, he did not have that problem and that was not he reason he changed to the new one.
Seemingly  the reason is he's afraid of one of the teacher's voice. and he would cry upon listening the teacher's voice. oh wow,  I don't know, maybe she has a very loud booming voice. 
and yesterday, as per my mum, Fazril told them that one of the teacher in his old kindergarten slapped him.
I don't know the whole story so I'm not really sure of what's the actual situation, maybe the teacher did it out of anger or maybe not. BUT, wow, slapping a five year old kid? really now?
Fazril is really, a kid that sometimes could be very naughty and out of control but that's a child nature, I think. you couldn't expect a kid to behave like a Tun.

well, at least now he has changed to a new one and my mum said that he's happy. even looking forward to go to the kindergarten different with the old one where he only went a couple of days per week.
I guess, no pain no gain applies in this situation.

I pray for the best for both of my dearie boys. it's a tough world out there even in schooling environment and I hope their goodness prevail and turn out to be a good human being.




p/s: I want to go home so badly. I want to eat my mum's chicken rice, home-cooked meal. :(

telur.

nasi putih+tomyam+telur dadar (b)


'kak, neslo ais bungkus satu'

'dik, telur dadar abis'

'hah, um, nescafe ais la'

'dik, telur dadar abis la'

......................................

'oohh, um cancel la telur tu'

'ok, telur tak mau..neslo ais bungkus ye?'

'ye'

'ok, 4.50 dik'

nasi putih+tomyam+telur dadar (b)


akibat seharian berlapar sebab seharian tido.
oh anak dara, perangai apakah?



p/s: macamane telur dadar boleh abis? like, specifically telur dadar? kalau akak tu ckp telur abis ke ok la kot. tapi telur dadar, maknanya telur rebus, telur mata, telur bungkus,telur hancur semua ada la?
tak tanya tadi sebab dah malu kan..

It's sad.

When you try to pick up a conversation with someone you haven’t talked to in a while and used to be close to, but you notice that they don’t make any effort to talk to you and just push you further away to the point where you realize that things have changed and it’d be probably better to let go. People come and go, sadly. Even the ones you thought you’d never lose.



s

Laugh,Cry and Marvel.

백야 (White Night) - 넬 (Nell)

Today, I again fall in and out of love with the detritus of what is left of you, in me.
How you might be.
난 니가 필요해(I need you).
Every time I try to erase you the world crumbles, by the roots.
At the endless time,
Deeply imprinted in all of its space,
your breath is all that remains.
Today, I, again, waste it,
Forcing together the pieces of promises,
Remains of memories.
How you might be.
I can’t get over you.
You just keep shining on and on through my time.
난 니가 필요해(I need you).
Every time I conjure you up the time ices over, by the roots.
My best won’t do.
Every time I breathe, it’s as if your memories are talking to me.
Being left behind and letting it be gone would all be mine.
It wouldn’t come back, as if a movie, as if a lie.
Come back to me.

source

p/s: I'm happy that I got this yesterday for FREE! 

high five!

oh wow,
I miss everyone these days.
I miss home.
yes, living alone does have its ups and downs.

downer: you have to deal with everything by yourself.

case in point:
when you forgot to stock up your pads.
and you have your menses in the middle of the night.
and there's no kedai runcit nearby except the one that you have to walk like 10 minutes away.
and it'll be closed by that time.

ah well, I remember what my mum used to told me that back in her days, of course there's no sanitary pads, so girls/women of that days used the cloth, one that could absorbed the blood properly and put it on the underwear. DONE.

so, I tried to do the same.
tried to find any cloth that's suitable. at least, for the night only.
I found two cut-offs from my inner t-shirt's arm that I cut it off to make it a short-sleeved one and that's it.
those two were enough for me.
at least, for the time being.

for the first time, I've one experience to feel like what my mother used to have to do when it's her days.
and it's weird.
like I have to check on it to make sure it doesn't fall off and that night I've restless sleep..
so the next morning, I woke up expecting leakage everywhere, but Alhamdulillah, none.
that's not BAD at all.

I high-five myself for something well done.


note to self: always always remember to re-stock my sanitary pads.. 




p/s: i can't wait for next weekend! :)

hello December.

“I will make you forget all”>

Hopeless Valentine at GMF 2012.

Nell all day everyday. 



I always relate that the end of the year as a phase to finish everything. 
to settle everything that's due before the year turn to 2013.
and for these past years, December always going to be a very busy months.
for me I have tons of works (presentations, assignments, etc.)

I did not have any resolution to be done before the year ends.  
never made one. 
sort of don't believe in having one would actually prompt myself to fulfill it.
meaningless.

In other related thing, December is also special because obviously

it's my BIRTHDAY! 

and everything is still the same.
I celebrated by myself with a container of moist chocolate cake.
and two chocolate muffins. cioccolato magnificento!
 it's a low-key thing to do. 
it suits with my age, I think. i'm 24. (kalau kahwin dah ada anak dua! ecewah!)
nothing elaborate, just remembering how my age defines me.

and how i feel like certain things are slipping away.
I can not choose which things to forget but I know some things are forgotten in time.
it's not a deliberate forgetfulness but things that you could not hold into.
and I somehow fear that someday I woke up and could not grasp on what it is.
what it is that stained  me, it felt familiar but i do not have any conception on what it is.

ah, I've rambled senselessly. 
must be the Nell's overdose.



p/s: here's hoping that everyone of us have a great and productive December and if the world did end in 2012..........



 :)

jumble bubble up.

haip.

okay, feels like typing away everything.

1. this week and coming weeks would be a pretty busy week.
I have 1,2,3 no make it FOUR presentation waiting for me. two of them are in group while another two are individual effort. and I've prepared none. NONE.

mighty PLUS on the research proposal presentation due this Thursday.
nervous as hell but what to do, things got to be done.

2. I have plan for this coming December to go to the BBW sale. It will be held at MIECC, Serdang so I'll try making up time for it and make my mission to snatch at least a dozen of books.
You know, for next year stock-up.
Because they discounted the books until 95 %. that's CRAZY!
the usual paperbacks costs around RM 31.90 so do the maths, I'll get a book for only RM 8.00!!
so now you know the deal.
 
I've heard of BBW a couple of times before this from my friends but never had the chance to actually go.
so I think this year might be the year for me.

reading books is always my favorite pastime.
being lost in another world and building up imagery from what you read is a freedom that could only be reached by reading.  
which remind me I've yet to finish the memory keeper's daughter.

let's!

©

Puasa adalah Perisai.

Dari Abu Hurairah r.a, ia berkata: Rasulullah S.A.W bersabda: Allah Azza Wa Jalla berfirman (Hadist Qudsy):

“Semua amal perbuatan Anak Adam adalah untuknya kecuali puasa, kerana sesungguhnya puasa itu adalah untuk-Ku dan Aku sendiri yang akan memberikan balasannya. Puasa adalah perisai. Maka apabila seseorang diantara kalian sedang berpuasa, janganlah dia berbicara kotor dan jangan pula bertengkar. Apabila ia dimaki oleh seseorang atau diajak bermusuhan maka hendaklah ia berkata: “Sesungguhnya aku sedang berpuasa” Demi Dzat yang jiwa Muhammad ada di dalam genggaman kekuasaanNya. Sungguh bau dari mulut seseorang yang berpuasa itu lebih harum di sisi Allah daripada bau minyak kasturi. Seseorang yang berpuasa  itu mempunyai dua kegembiraan, dan ia dapat merasakan kesenangannya, yaitu ketika berbuka ia bergembira, dan apabila telah bertemu dengan Tuhannya maka iapun bergembira dengan adanya balasan puasanya.

(H.R Bukhari Muslim - Lafaz riwayat Imam Bukhari)

©

Untuk Gaza,

حسبنا الله ونعم الوكيل

"HasbunaAllah wa ni'mal wakiil" 

'Cukuplah Allah sebagai pelindung kami dan DIA adalah sebaik - baik pelindung'

إن شاء الله‎,

that I would be good.

That I Would Be Good/Use Somebody,Smoakstack Sessions Vol.2

I always love Kelly Clarkson. she's such a great vocalist.
 like her lungs must be bigger than everybody else. 

and she'll always be my favourite AI alumni along with Chris Daughtry.


oh wow, a mere mention of lungs remind me of something.today I went to a private clinics to do medical check up for my scholarship, and as usual, the usual procedures, urine test, vision test, bp taking and the chest x-ray.
then the consultation with the medical doctors. I have to wait like an hour plus just to saw the doctor.
and wow, the doctor sure talks a lot. like a lot. 
from nuclear reactor to the importance of exercising. 
and guess what.

the doctor told me I have scoliosis.
based from my chest x-ray films.
my spine have a very minor S-curve (the curve is less than 10 degrees).

thus, no wonder I occasionally have pains on my backside these past months.

but it's not a bad thing I guess. 
since it's only minor.
but still, it need to be prevented from the worst to happen. 

just have to limit myself on doing a very heavy work. 
yeah, just that plus exercise and practice to have a good posture whenever I can. 
and I think I have to wear backpacks to class. 

main point is: let's take an utmost care of our body.


onto another stuff; (yes I jumbled up everything in one post because I can).

as usual, my internet routines.
tumblring, twittering and a lot of other fun stuff. 
well yeah, internet is a fun innovation that have ever existed in the world.


and i stumbled upon this quotes.
thought I might share it here.

it felt weird reading this. 
a good kind of weird.

Shiawase no Pan

'a feel good movie about togetherness and finding the true happiness-

heartwarming and calming.' 

Bread of Happiness (Shiawase no Pan)

i watched this movie out of the blue as i stumbled upon the link while blog-walking in some random blogs.
and i fell in love with it! 


catch it here! 

(may contain generic spoiler)

     The story mainly revolve around the Cafe Mani, a bakery restaurant located in the countryside, Lake Toya, Hokkaido. Such a beautiful place and the results to the movie was whimsical cinematography. 

Friday, is it?

♪♫ Epik High- Villain ♫♪

'All the bad girls, say good night to the bad guy'

'I don't just spend money, I kill bills'

on Friday i only have two classes.
one in the morning, 10am-12 noon
one in the afternoon, 3pm-7pm.

the morning class was so much FUN. 
the lecturer is a funny one and one who likes to gossip.
so, occasionally after a couple of slides, he would stop and start rambling onto  other stuff. un-related stuff.
but i LIKE it a lot. i feel that on his class i concentrate more. 
the things that he taught easily goes into my brain.
his class was the most effective one, among others.

and then the afternoon class.
oh, lord.
it's freaking four hours class, where a lecturer would lecture on a topic.
and their no of slides would reach 100 ++.
*___*

and here's the thing, 
yesterday it was raining heavily and I couldn't do anything as to wait for it to be subdued a little bit. can't help it as I just walk to the class. no transport, mind you.
so it resulted on me being late 
and as usual, latecomer, no seats available at the back.
no options, sit on the front. on the front, yes.
but before that, a guy passed to me a handful of hand outs and I took it, of course.
on the way to go down the hall, i stumbled upon a Korean? or Chinese? looking guy and passed the remaining handouts to him.

' Sir, Sir, here'

.....

'ah, ape ni?'


.................................................



turns out that he is a MALAY, afterall.




and during the lecture I noticed that he keeps looking our way, must be thinking to himself why lah this girl panggil aku sir sir tadi?






p/s: will be going home tomorrow, InsyaAllah. for Raya Haji hols. :)

77 days

'Perfect maturity is when a person hurts you, and you try to understand their situation and never hurt them back'

@solidariti

i)  i realized lately i've been violent with everything, the way i encounter life and all within. i don't know the cause whether it's due to the never ending workload or the people around me. i'm an easily absorbed person (not self-absorbed,okay).
 i absorbed everything around me. whether it is emotions, environment, or anything at all. it's dangerous if i don't know how to control it. to filter it. to minus all the negative elements. 
and that's what i'm doing right now. allowing the negativity to flow through me and let it out at everything i can. it's not healthy.
the current phase of my being is not healthy. 

i think it's high time to take a break. 
ah well, let's anticipate next week, for i'll be going home.
rejuvenating.


ii) listen to this.

Decorate by Yuna at Taylor Sessions

spot the additional lyrics?
no?

here it is: 

(1.57)
You do this all the time
You come and you go like I'm nothing, you know.

Every time you come back to me
I'm prepared to watch you leave
You can't make your mind though
About me

I imagine what it's like
What if you might leave everything and come home
But I know that you won't
After what I've been through
I'm  still worry about you

You're letting  go all your friends
It's definitely the end

(2.42)


p/s: yesterday was October 15.
it's been two years...Al-fatihah...

the thunder.

I find this reminder to be very useful. steal it from a friend's post in Facebook. May Allah's blessings always be with her for sharing this. 

do whatever you want with this. print it and paste it to your wall. set it as your desktop wallpaper. put it as your smartphone's wallpaper. make it as your tafsir's bookmark.

InsyaAllah, with good intentions. 

if you are depressed:

Quran 13:28

< Surah 13, Surah Ar-Ra'd, verse 28>

'

الَّذينَ ءامَنوا وَتَطمَئِنُّ قُلوبُهُم بِذِكرِ اللَّهِ ۗ أَلا بِذِكرِ اللَّهِ تَطمَئِنُّ 

القُلوبُ ﴿٢٨

''Those who have believed and whose hearts are assured by the remembrance of Allah . Unquestionably, by the remembrance of Allah hearts are assured."

©

:))

p/s: I got a week long holiday for this coming Raya Haji. Alhamdulillah.

wake me up when...

I figured this is the third week I'm here, here as in being a postgraduate student in UKM, Bangi. a lot of things happened. no kidding, really a lot of things happened. from the first day i stepped into here. 
and i have a lot of stuff to tell.
fret not, i'll not bored you with every details but here's a few of the highlights:

before that, there are four of us, USMKK's alumnus, F, Q, A and myself.

1. The Residential College:

here's the thing, if you're planning to further your study at UKM as postgraduate students either in masters or Ph. D , know that you're not automatically given the hostel or residential college as what they're known here.  you've to figure it out yourself. usually, the given college for postgrad are two colleges, Kolej Pendeta Zaa'ba and Kolej Keris Mas. these two college have the highest rate among all of the colleges here, because they have many facilities compared to the others (ATM, photostat and printing services, mini groceries shop and much larger cafeteria). the rate is rm6 for double room and rm7 for single room.

so, my friend (F) and I, we don't have any single idea of what forthcoming us, so on the second day of registration day, we registered at Zaa'ba since it's closer to our faculty compared to Keris Mas ( i tell you, you've to go in/out of the entrance gate no 3 to get to my faculty, imagine that). 
AND being me, I asked for a single room, whether it's available or not and the lady at the counter told me and F that at Zaa'ba they don't have single rooms. Inside my head I was like, REALLY? no single room in this very large college? but since I'm as new as a newborn, I shut up and be grateful of whatever room she gave. then, she put  me and F in a same room, and that's a big NO NO  for us. okay, first of all we don't have any problems or we are not fighting with each other, it's just it's really uncomfortable for me to be sharing the room with my course mates. no privacy, and how boring would that be because all day everyday you're going to see the same person. going to classes you see her, then going back to your room you would also see her. imagine that. 

one of a kind.

Today- G DRAGON ft Kim Jong-wan

'Today I'm free like a wind

I'm rocking my life away'

the season of chaos has passed. it's high time to concentrate on what matters.
one year, one year... InsyaAllah.

'patience is the key to joy'- Rumi