2o hari RAMADHAN

Alhamdulillah..

sudah 20 Ramadhan ..

bersyukur dapat nikmati Ramadhan lagi..

tinggal lagi 10 hari..

1o malam terakhir..

moga2 dapat berjumpa dengan Lailatul Qadr..

malam yang menjadi rebutan semua Muslimin dan Muslimat.

hmm...

Ramadhan pertama tanpa arwah Abah..

juga Raya Aidilfitri pertama..

kat sini je aku boleh luahkan perasaan.

couldn't find the courage to talk about this with my friends or even my siblings.

it HURTS me so much..

i HATE it when people see me Crying.

i don't like it when people look at me and wondering whether she's okay or NOT.

AKU CUBA sedaya upaya.

to not let other people being affected by my sadness...

esok da nak balik kerteh..

my HOME .. where I can still sense his presence.

kadang2 rasa macam tanak balik.. tapi MA macam mane?

ma je lah tempat aku bermanja sekarang..

She's my comfort.

I made a pledge to take a good care of her while there's still TIME.

BY THE WAY, my deepest gratitude to my coursemate for the donation.

really touched by the kindness..

sampai MATI aku akan kenang..

semoga hidup kamu semua Diberkati ALLAH S.W.T...InsyaALLAH

terima kasih kawan2~~

AT least I know that there's people who CARE about me. .

and for kawan2 yang tak tau, baru tau or akan tau..

I am SO SORRY..

not that I don't treasure you as my friend BUT, it's HARD for me to text or to made phone call to you AND say the word.

it's hard.very

paksi ku hilang

kun fa yakun..

'jadilah, maka jadilah'...

7 ogos 2010.

jam 11.20 pagi..

abah ..pergi buat selama-lamanya..

the day has finally come.

aku selalu berdoa supaya aku pergi dulu supaya aku tak perlu rasa peritnya kehilangan paksi aku..

Abah adalah paksi aku dalam kehidupan..

Dia lah yang selalu di hadapan aku..

Phone call yang diterima tepat jam 11.16 am, aku terdengar perkataan 'Abah dah takda'.

Aku tak percaya.jantung dah macam nak pecah..bumi rasa macam berputar salah arah..

Empangan air mata dah pecah..

Then, ma kata' Akak, patah balik..Abah da takde, abah da takde'..

aku terketar2..sejuk,sakit,perit,pedih..

phone call dengan yu..aku takleh cakap apa2..tak mampu..

perjalanan patah balik ke kerteh..

all memories flashback.

hari jumaat, sehari sebelum pemergian abah,

his smiles,

his kiss on my forehead,

his last money for me,

the last ticket bus he bought for me,

my memories of him taught me in driving cars,

riding motorcycle and falls in the middle of the road,

eats together,

his crying eyes when ma admitted to hospital..

his jokes,

everything..

sudden rush of memories flooded my head.

mata bengkak, basah,sembab. . . .

sepanjang perjalanan . .

5 hrs seems like 50 years.

sampai kat jelawat jam 6.30 pm.

nampak kak yu.

aku terketar2..tak sanggup nak langkah kaki masuk dalam rumah kayu itu tempat terbaringnya abah aku.

tapi, aku kuatkan hati, tabah lah hati..

abah, macam tidur..tenang, setenang-tenang yang pernah aku lihat..

aku menangis lagi.dan lagi..

jam 11.20 malam abah diiringi ke tempat persemadian, perjalanan terakhir abah.

talkin dibacakan..

semasa pengebumian, aku sudah berhenti menangis..aku berfikir mungkin aku sudah redha dan pasrah..

tapi tidak rupanya..

sampai hari ini,

saat ini, saat aku menaip, air mata tak berhenti..

dan aku sedar, sampai bila bila, aku tetap merasakan peritnya kehilangan paksi-ku.

Semoga Abah tenang di sana.. . .

dan semoga kita dapat berjumpa di alam yang abadi kelak..

Al-Fatihah~~~

In loving memory

15101947-07082010

I'm A Guy Like This

DJ Doc's I'm A Guy Like This MV

INSANELY hilarious parody of Lee Hyori, After School and CN Blue..

by a LEGENDARY k-pop acts that is. . .

Jonghyun!!!!

TADAAAAAAA~~

another one i created..haha

my burning Jonghyun~~

first timer~~

i LOVE these pics! SO i decided to give it a try and courtesy of PhotoScape, TADA!!!